James and I were married in March of 2012. We were just sealed in the Mesa, Arizona temple today with our baby, Lauren Ruby. As we were waiting to be sealed, one of the temple workers came over to us and said, "You'll want to write your feelings down in your journal". It then occurred to me that I haven't kept a journal since I was in high school, and it was rare to write in that. To be honest, I've felt that I've needed to keep a journal for a long time, but I've been too lazy to do so. I'm not making any outrageous claims to be starting anew. I would love to update this blog regularly, and I really hope that I do. For now, I really just want an avenue to take down my thoughts and feelings from today's events and I think this is a good place to do so.
I met James in high school and I've basically loved him since I met him, sounds corny, but it's true. We never dated in high school. We went on a couple dates, but never dated. We remained friends throughout my college life - on and off - and finally realized we were perfect for each other and decided to go for it... in 2011. Considering we met in 2000, you could say it took a while for us to figure things out. Once we finally started dating for real, things got going pretty quickly and we didn't waste any more time. We started dating in March of 2011, got engaged in October, and were married 5 long months after that... March 8, 2012. Our amazing little baby came along this past July - the 14th to be exact. When James and I decided to date, James was just getting to be active in the church again and I was very much not, in fact, I didn't know if I wanted to ever be active again... although I knew I wasn't happy and hadn't been in a long time. I figured I would probably raise my children in the church, but I didn't want it to consume my life. James's family welcomed me with open arms and loved me from the moment I walked through the door, actually they loved me before they even met me. They knew James loved me and so therefore, they loved me. What a concept! I had never been accepted by any previous boyfriends' families. This was the family I had always hoped I would marry into.
The first few months of our marriage, James and I just loved spending time together and Sundays were pretty much spent watching T.V. and/or football. Just a few months after we were married, we were impressed to start trying for a baby. This may have seemed hasty to some, but we were already 27 and not getting any younger. We have friends and family who have struggled with infertility and we were worried that we could be trying to get pregnant for a while, so we thought we should get a move on things just in case. Well, within just a couple months, we were pregnant. It couldn't have come at a better time, too, because we had just bought our first house. The timing was perfect!
Little Lauren Ruby was born at home with the help of our amazing birth team which consisted of 3 midwives. We had been going to church regularly since December. Once our baby was born, we really wanted to become more active. We wanted callings and we wanted visiting teaching/home teaching assignments. Mostly we wanted the spirit in our home and we wanted to be an eternal family. We were so excited to take our sweet baby to the temple. We finally got to do that today.
Our sealing appointment was at 1:30. We arrived at the temple, as requested, at 12:30. As soon as we stepped inside, Lauren started to cry, and she was inconsolable. The plan was to have James's sister in law, Katie (AKA Baby Whisperer) stay in the nursery with Lauren and hold her at the alter. Even Katie couldn't calm Lauren down as we waited. I tried feeding her in the nursery and she wouldn't eat. She hadn't taken her nap that morning, so I'm pretty sure she was tired and possibly just overwhelmed with being in a new place with people all around. I'd pumped some milk for her at home and had a bottle all ready for her, so I went ahead and left Lauren with Katie in the nursery and got dressed for the sealing. As James and I were waiting to be sealed, he told me that Katie had told him that her daughter cried through the whole ceremony when they got sealed 17 years prior. That actually made me feel a bit better, lol.
James and I met with our sealer and he briefed us on how everything would go down. I was beyond excited and I was also feeling at peace. I knew this was where my Heavenly Father wanted me to be. I felt like I was in the safest place on earth, doing the most important thing in all eternity.
We walked into the sealing room and immediately saw all of our close friends and family, with the exception of my parents and my dad's family, which was indeed hard to accept. My mom is inactive and my dad and his family are non-members. I have one sister who is active, but she is not endowed and lives in Utah. As I looked around the room at all who were in attendance, I noticed that Allison was missing. She had been my escort for the endowments and she had sent me a text earlier in the day expressing her excitement for me, so I knew she was planning on coming, and I knew she knew when it was. WHERE WAS SHE??? The sealer talked for a long time about the sacredness of the sealing ordinance. When we finally were getting things underway, Allison and her husband walked through the door and I was so relieved. I could not have gotten sealed without her there. I was seriously contemplating asking them to hold off and search the grounds for her. I learned later that she had forgotten her temple recommend at home and had to go back home and get it. Thank goodness she only lived a few minutes away! Perhaps this is why the sealer talked for so long, the spirit wanted Allison to make it to the sealing. I needed her there.
I was filled with so much joy when the sealer pronounced us eternal husband and wife. I got to kiss my husband over the alter. It was like we were getting married again. How many people get to marry their spouse again, without ever breaking up? What a cool experience! Then Katie brought in Lauren. She was sleeping like an angel, bundled up in a white blanket, dressed in a beautiful white dress that Katie's youngest daughter wore for her blessing. She was also sporting a super cute white flower headband. Her hand was holding the neck line of Katie's dress - precious. I got to hold my baby's hand over our hands as we all knelt across the alter.
We were sealed together as one family and we were promised that any subsequent children would automatically be entitled to the same gift. What an incredible blessing that is! I have made some big mistakes in my life, and so has James. We didn't do things in the order we had been counseled growing up. But the atonement has made it possible for us to receive the same promises and blessings as everyone else.
After the ceremony, we got to hug each and every one of our guests. I had gotten a little teary during the sealing to Lauren, but when I got to hug my beautiful friend LaRee who had come all the way from Snowflake - pregnant - to be with us, I lost it. I love that girl. She is such a special person in my life, and she has been since I was 14 years old. She's been one of my closest friends for half my life, and I am so grateful that she came. My cousin Gina was next and said to James, "Thank you for taking my cousin to the temple." This got me even more. She and her mother have stuck by me through thick and thin, even when I didn't want anyone to reach out to me. She and I are now the only endowed/sealed grandchildren from our grandmother. She's always been a great example to me and I'm so thankful she was there. I got to hug Allison last and tell her how glad I was that she made it. She and LaRee have always been there for me. I can't imagine my life without them.
As I've reflected on the day and the sealing, I've been overcome with gratitude for my family. I can feel the spirit of our next child. I have a strong feeling it will be a boy (I hope), and I know that he was there. If it's a girl, I'm excited for her too :). I have a peace within me that knows that anything that comes our way will be taken care of. I hope that we never experience a miscarriage or the death of a child, but there's a solemn peace in knowing that if we do encounter any of these misfortunes, our temple sealing will make it so that we can be with that child again. I am so incredibly grateful to all the people in my life who have loved me unconditionally and supported me. I'm thankful that Katie was there to take care of my baby. She told me that Lauren stopped crying within just a few minutes of us leaving her and she fell peacefully asleep. I know that the angels comforted her. I know that angels were present and our family members who have passed on were present as well. Lauren is named after my great grandmother Ruby LeSueur, and from the moment she was born, I have felt my grandmother's presence. I know she's pleased and she's watching over us. It feels so good to finally say we're an eternal family.
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